Watched the movie “The Vow” and realized how much similar some of our lives were too...

The Vow 

I recently watched some parts of the movie ‘The Vow’ again. I somehow felt I related to the turmoil the protagonist goes through.

 I am too going through a similar kind of pain. No matter how hard I try to explain, my wife tends to forget the things I have done for her. In fact, many of us are going through a similar kind of pain. The scenarios may be different from the film’s plot. In the movie, the protagonist is trying hard to help his wife remember their marriage and the love they shared for each other because she has lost her memory.

 It is unfortunate, but this is the story of every love relationship today.

 Many of us are struggling to remind our partners about the love and affection we have for them. They can see the efforts we are putting in, but simply don’t acknowledge it. They realize the efforts but for some reasons unknown, they ignore or simply don’t wish to accept the fact that we love them so much.

 They have all set their own parameters of ideal love. They are so much in love with their own beliefs that they are unable to see the toll it is taking on their relationships. They only believe what they believe is true. 

Seems Like Nature Programs Them to Fend for Themselves From Birth

“Bahut Mar Khayega,” the girl retorted as she continued to run ahead of his rickshaw. She must have been barely 5 to 6 years old or lesser. Her answer was spontaneous as the rickshaw driver barked at her for almost coming in front of his speeding rickshaw. She and her friends or maybe siblings dashed into the road suddenly emerging out of the compound that the railways used for storing their materials. The girl could have come under the rickshaw if she had wandered a foot ahead than she did. The moment I saw her dash out of the compound and rickshaw speeding, I almost skipped a heartbeat. However, she was oblivious to the danger that was just averted. She continued to run and her sibling or friends chased her oblivious to what could have just happened.

I could not help but think about her reaction. She was a frail young girl barely two and a half feet. The rickshaw driver was hefty having a pongee and overweight. Had he decided to manhandle her, she did not stand a chance.

This is the biggest difference among the children growing under the shadows of their parents. We infuse so much fear in them about everything that our children immediately curl back into a shell when faced with such situations. They are so dependent that they grow panicky. They seldom find the spontaneity to fend for themselves.

On the other hand, these children playing on the streets have very little scope to fall back on their parents that they grow conditioned to fight their own fight. They have no one but themselves to fend for themselves. They are ready to face the consequences of their decisions and never hesitate to make one, unlike our children who tend to waste a lot of time thinking and fearing the consequences.

Madhav Rao Peshwa was just sixteen when he was made the next Peshwa of the Maratha empire. Alexander was just 16 years when he inherited the throne. There are innumerable people in history who achieved extraordinary feats at a young age. However, some parents still accompany their kids to the SSC and HSC examination halls.

Protecting our children are good, but protecting them to the level that they become dependent on you for every small thing is bad. Don’t think so much on their behalf that you make them incapable of making a decision and facing its consequences. We must give our children room to discover their independent strengths. Sometimes, we must detach ourselves from their problems and let them fight their own fights. Only then will they bloom to become independent individuals who are capable of making their own decisions and will be able to confidently challenge the challenges with the words, “Bahut mar khayega.”

Aren’t we all behaving like this in your relationships?

 

 “I wash my feet every time I step out,” my mother shouted as she rubbed her feet against the bathroom flooring. She had just stepped out to keep our dustbin outside the house for the sweeper to pick up the garbage. The alley leading to the staircase had a lot of dust settled on it. Our sweeper only visits once in two days to collect the garbage and sweep the staircase and alley. It was more than three days since he had come as he had caught the weather.

 My mother could have swept the floor or mopped it. I also happen to step out while I perform the pooja in the morning. I light an incense stick on the beam adjacent to the threshold.

 As I heard her words, a thought crossed my mind, “Aren’t we all behaving like my mom did in our relationships as well. We keep complaining that the other person is not behaving right, but we never take the effort to clean the discord. We just try to present ourselves as righteous rather than trying to clean the floor.

 

Modern Day Mothers’ Dilemma

The discussion began with a small project my colleague had to complete for her five years old son. It was a project given in his school. They had to collect pictures of the different modes of transportation currently being used: rail, road, and water. We discussed the different car brands available and also about the boats, ships, yachts, and hovercrafts.

The discussion headed in the direction of how cumbersome the projects were for those tiny souls. “Well, it’s homework for the parents rather than the children,” another colleague commented. Her child’s school too gave her child such assignments and she too engaged in such homework completion tasks.

“I feel so guilty that I cannot do full justice to his assignments. Well, some of his friend’s mothers who are housewives come with such brilliantly finished products. I just cannot match it,” another colleague shared her guilt.

“I remember completing drawings for my sister-in-law,” I added.

“How can they expect so small children to surf the net and get these images,” another colleague added.

“But the children today are so smart,” another colleague added. “Yeah, my six years old son knows more about my iPhone than I do,” a male colleague joined in.

The talk gradually drifted towards the sweet things each other’s children do. We reminisced the incident at the office gathering where one of our colleague’s son ended up answering “My Name is Sheela” when the anchor asked him his name. Nowadays, it’s “Deewana Kar Raha Hai” from Raaz3 that a colleague quickly added.

“My son comes home and names a different girl from his class as his best friend,” that colleague further shared.

“Oh! So we have a Casanova in the making,” I jokingly added.

“No, I am happy he does that. At least, I know that his sexual preferences are normal. After listening to the various news and stories in office, it is really scary,” she commented with a sigh of relief.

 Just then somebody informed us that our CEO is entering the office. All of us scampered towards our respective desks. 

 

2020 – The year that doesn’t seem to end.

    Today, people across the world are eagerly looking forward to 2021 with the hope that the next year will bring something good.

    I, though, didn’t have much to look forward to considering the various events that transpired in the last two days.

    But, I just got the news that BABUCHA, our neighbor’s grandson met with an accident and succumbed to his injuries. 

    Though he was thirty years old, I can still remember his childhood days and the love he showered on me. He always shared food with me. In fact, he used to always take two parts – one for me and one for him. He always shoved chocolates into my mouth when he was a child. Later they shifted to Ulhasnagar and we lost touch. But, his childhood love and mischief are fresh in my mind like they happened yesterday.

    I was feeling low because of the turbulences in my life, but this has completely shattered me. I cannot get his face off my mind. I feel like I want to cry aloud. I am feeling very low.

    I just don’t feel like doing anything.

‘Bichde Sabhi Bari Bari’

This line from the song in the film ‘Pyaasa’ fits my plight perfectly. I seem to have perfected this uncanny knack of loosing friends one after the other. No matter how hard I try, all my good friends have evaporated from my life like the water on a sunny highway. They gradually fade away from my life very much like the silhouette of the person on a foggy wintry morning does when he decides to accelerate and move ahead after walking some distance besides you.

 It’s amazing how fast I tend to loose touch with good friends. I seem to do it with unprecedented perfection. Friends whose friendships I had cherished have all gone away from my life one by one. It’s not that I part with friends on an unfriendly note. They just seem to dwindle into the thin air after some time. It is not that I do not make efforts to retain them. They just seem to grow indifferent or move to a distant land and then grow light years apart or vanish into some other galaxy.

 I end up making new friends only to loose them one fine day. I make new friends in the anticipation that they will stay only to meet with the disappointment of loosing them some day. History keeps repeating itself. Some new friends have already gone, some have begun to drift apart, some will in the near future….The lines just keep coming back to me, “Bichide sabhi baari baari…”

Imtehanon Ka Daur Kab Gujrega?

Many a times I have questioned myself whether I can get out of this situation. The answers are mixed. Sometimes I feel I can and at other times I realize that no matter how hard you try your destiny has been written and you cannot go beyond the written word.

 I have often read the rags to riches stories. How some one with his sheer grit, perseverance and belief changed his destiny. But, then come to think of it, his destiny could have been written that way. If it is not so, then why does one who does the same things doesn’t get an equal success. I have seen artists dedicate their entire lives to art and lead a paupers life. While someone who is less passionate and hard working climbs the popularity charts and becomes a celebrity.

The answers are not convincing. I feel if you are destined to do become successful, only then will you get the dedication, perseverance and patience to accomplish your goals. If not, you will continue to fight against odds and loose. After which you will whine how unfair life is and continue to try again. Then, someone who doesn’t have the faintest of the ideas of what you have undergone and the efforts you have put in will come and tell you that you need to be passionate about what you do and put it more hard work. Just having an aspiration is not enough. Saw XYZ in your field, how hardworking and dedicated he is. He practices day-in and day out unlike you. They will rub salt on your wounds and if that was not enough, from nowhere life will fling a supplement from a leading newspaper featuring your Mr XYZ chilling out in a social do surrounded by some on the best looking beauties in town.