….AND I CALL MYSELF A GOOD HUMAN BEING

Last evening was a new chapter in self introspection. I have had such bouts of introspections earlier. But,
I have never written about it. After listening to the whole incidence some of you may write it off as a trivial issue that I am getting little extra sentimental about. Nevertheless, sentimental or not sentimental, I am writing about it.

I had wrapped up my day very early yesterday. Well, very early for me but normal time for those punctual office leavers. I had finished my work and was feeling pretty exhausted mentally. Just then one of my colleagues walked up to my table and asked me if I was leaving. Initially, I was a little hesitant or rather a little uncomfortable to leave this early. But then, in a spur I shut my computer and walked out. It really felt refreshing to walk out of the office this early. As we climbed the station the train to CST had reached the station. I decided to take the other train that starts from Vashi, so my colleague wished me bye and dashed to catch the train.

I was thinking If I should get down at Chembur and catch up with a friend. Or maybe get down at Tilak Nagar (TN) and just walk home enjoying the evening. While I was working out these plans I realized the train had left Chembur station. I thought I should get down at Tilak Nagar and walk my way home. But this time the train reached TN station, but I was feeling a little lazy so I decided to alight at Kurla. The train was a little crowded, but I got to alight comfortably. I was moving with the crowd when I realized that the crowd was suddenly parting into two. As I reached near that spot I saw a old lady lying on the platform and looking helplessly at the people passing by. She was looking up and murmuring something that wasn’t louder than a whisper. Her expressions showed she needed physical assistance. Everybody was passing her as if she did not exist: I can still feel that unbearable squeeze in my heart when I recollect that scene. I wanted to help her. Something within me was screaming GO HELP HER. I don’t know why but I disobeyed that voice within and walked away with a stony feel along with the wave of the crowd. I desperately wanted to help her, but
I could not figure out what was stopping me. I was feeling like somebody has placed a stone on my heart and I was making no efforts to relieve myself off the burden even though I could and badly wanted to.

While I was battling these tumultuous emotions and by the time I could come up with a concrete decision
I already reached the top of the over bridge. Just then, another train arrived and then there was a deluge of heartless passengers aimlessly dispersed all over the station and on the over bridge. I just kept walking ahead frustrated that I did not reach out to help that needy old woman. What disturbed me the most was despite having the urge to reach out and help that needy old woman I lacked the courage to convert my thoughts into action. I reached home but I could not get over the incidence the whole evening and I kept asking myself ….Can I really call myself a good human being?